Whether you like it or not, break ups are a part of life. Everyone has been there before, and having the skills and techniques to get over a break up quickly are extremely valuable to have. I’ve been asked, by numerous friends, if I have any psychological techniques to getting over someone fast – hence this post. Here’s my 5 step process to getting over a break up extremely fast!
1. It’s Over
Now this may sound like common sense, but it was found in studies that people who thought they might get back together had the hardest time with a breakup. Like I said, that’s probably nothing surprising, but too many people fool themselves into thinking that maybe there’s a chance later down the road.
I’m not saying that isn’t – or can’t be – the case, but it’s usually extremely rare. Once a breakup you need to make the mental realization that it’s completely over and to start focusing on moving forward.
2. Temporary Reason
The next step is to pick a temporary reason as to Why you broke up. Sometimes you know exactly why, but in most cases, people go on this endless mental loop of “What did I do wrong? Why didn’t it work out? etc…”
Susan Winter, who is considered a Relationship Expert, states that the first thing people need to do is come up with a simple reason that you broke up, no matter how simple. That way, when people start going on this mindless loop, you can get closure: “Oh. They didn’t like ice cream…it wouldn’t workout anyway because I love ice cream.”
This starts to psychologically give your mind a reason as to why it didn’t workout, which will subconsciously numb the pain. No matter how insane/ridiculous your reason, stick to it and keep reminding yourself (you can always change it later). This will also make it easier to not feel the need to contact them because you are giving yourself closure (in a way).
3. Delete, Delete, Delete
This is Breakup 101: Now delete them off everything. Delete/Remove them from your social media accounts, remove any texts, delete their number, unfollow them in other spots, etc. You want them out of your life completely.
In a certain context, look at any relationship like a drug (from a neurological standpoint that’s technically what’s happening). Right now you’re essentially addicted to a drug (ex. the person), and you want to cut that happen as best as you can.
The best way?
Remove any trance of them ever existing in your life. Overtime, you can always re-connect with them if you truly want to, but for the next 3+ months you should have zero contact and zero visibility into what they’re doing.
4. Pattern Breaking
This is where it can get difficult. The first 3 steps you can do within the first half-hour of a break up: Realize it’s over, create a temporary reason as to why, and delete them from everything. Where it really gets difficult is the days/weeks/months after the breakup, that’s where most people really feel it. Like I said above, look at them like a drug, and what you’re experiencing right now is a withdrawal from that drug.
At this point you want to quickly break any patterns. Anytime you start thinking about them, the good times, etc, you want to quickly do something random and then think of a positive thought. For example, right when you start thinking about them, snap your fingers and say meow (I’m not kidding). Something this random and weird will quickly stop that thought from progressing – then, change your mind to something positive or something you’re grateful for.
Remember that it’s impossible to think of two thoughts at the same time – you can only think of one thing at a time. So disrupt any patterns or feelings immediately when they happen.
5. Life Integration
When it’s all said and done, there’s one thing that you will return to: Life without them. Although right now it may not even seem possible, day after day you’ll start to realize how they were only an aspect to your life rather than the whole thing.
The key, moving forward, is to not “be busy” to ignore them, but make sure you stay active. What I mean is that you don’t want to just push those feelings away – stop, acknowledge that they exist, and then run the pattern interruptions that I talked about above.
Remember that a break up is like a wound, and you need to leave it alone to let it heal.